


Kissing a nitwit

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, M/M, Work Up For Adoption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-12-19 17:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11902980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A slow burn Jegulus with a side of Wolfstar and possibly Snily ( a gift from a Tumblr convo)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starshipslytherin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshipslytherin/gifts).



It was mid-June when Dorea Potter woke with an ominous feeling. The weather was horrible, thunder and lightening keeping the animals all around their property awake. She wasn't sure exactly what was about to happen, but it wasn't going to be good. She was sitting in the kitchen waiting for the feeling to pass or something to happen. It had been years since she felt this way- the last time was when Andromeda married Ted.

Charlus came out from their bedroom, wand prepared to attack as she heard a small knock on the door. It was so gentle that it could have been written off as the storm if not for the shifting wards and the feeling in her stomach.

When Charlus opened the door, there was a person slumped on their porch, wet from the rain and shaking from the cold.

"Who are you?"

The man laughed- though it quickly became a pained cough. Dorea was behind Charlus, looking the man over. There was blood mixed with the water dripping from his clothes, She could hear the rattle in his breath over the wind howling through the trees.

"Don't recognize me Pops?"

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, Ma, it's me."

Charlus instantly helped her pull him inside.

"What happened to you?"

"Mother happened."

"We need to get you to the hospital."

"No, please. Don't let anyone see this."

She looked down at her son's best friend and whatever look she saw in his eyes convinced her to stay put and start checking over his health herself. A few spells later and she had stopped the rattle in his breath and the bleeding.

"Now tell us what happened."

Sirius detailed the events leading up to his departure, including being blown off the family tree. Dorea said that he was welcome to join their family and sent him off to bed. The summer passed by with James and Sirius spending as much time playing as they could, enjoying the freedom from Sirius' family ties. No one talked about the nights James or Dorea helped Sirius through nightmares.

* * *

Everything, for the most part, had calmed down by mid-October. Lily and Severus had been tending their plants for Herbology when a sound from outside the greenhouse drew their attention.

"I can't believe they're arguing  _again_."

"I can, it's Potter."

"Oh Sev, you're just saying that because you don't like him."

"With good reason! I mean listen to them!"

James had cornered Regulus  _again_. Merlin only knew why since Regulus  _always_  won.

Every week since the start of school he had gone off on the  _former_  brother of his best friend. No one seemed eager to step in, it was well known that the heir of the most ancient and noble house of Black had been disowned over the summer. It was a pride thing for both boys, that much was common knowledge- blood brother and chosen brother.

What they didn't know was that the former heir had shown up on the Potter's doorstep in the middle of the night, beaten, cursed, and clutching what little his mother had allowed him to remove from his family home. Dorea had instantly scooped him up and declared him to be her second son.

"You are an awful brother."

"So you've told me every week."

"BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING TRUE."

"You don't get it, James. You naive arsewipe."

"Then  _make_  me understand how exactly you aren't a shit brother!"

"If I stepped in, it only got worse."

He wasn't lying. The one true weakness Sirius had was for his little brother, and Walburga took great joy in exploiting that weakness any time Regulus tried to step in. Walburga would laugh and take joy in watching Sirius try to protect his brother. It was the only time she could get any sort of reaction out of Sirius.

So, Regulus learned to not react.

"Of course you'd say that you prat!"

"Don't believe me? ASK SIRIUS!"

"No, I'm not about to open up those wounds, he's  _finally_  fucking healing. In case you were worried, you know, since you  _never fucking ask_."

"I don't need to ask. I can read him like a book. He may treat you like a brother but I am  _actually_  his brother."

"Then act like it, you prat!"

"I can't make this any more clear you dolt."

"Yes, you can. You're just being stubborn."

"No. I can't make it any simpler than  _stepping in makes it worse_."

"Just forget it, tosser."

"Gladly you manky, gormless muppet."

"Nutter"

Regulus rolled his eyes "Blighter"

"Arse"

"Yes, mine is quite lovely, though I don't remember asking you for your opinion."

"Git"

"Nitwit."

"Nitwit? Really? running out of insults rather quickly this week huh you-"

Regulus didn't get to finish his sentence because James launched forward, grabbing him by the tie and pulling him in for a kiss.

He promptly backed off, stuttered and ran back to the castle- leaving a  _very_  speechless Regulus.

"Well,  _that_  was new. Is James..." Severus tried to find a nice way to ask if you fancied Regulus.

"Not that I know of... but I mean... why else would he?"

"It's Potter, does he do  _anything_ that makes sense?"

Lily got an angry look on her face before thinking it over. James  _was_  rather impulsive.

"I mean, that lot doesn't exactly think things through."

"Well-"

"No, Lily. They don't."

She nodded and they headed back to their plants. Severus was hoping to get some clippings for his potions, Lily simply wanted an O in Herbology.


	2. Chapter 2

"I just, I don't know what to do Barty."

"You'll have to give me more to go on."

"James."

"Oh,  _that_  again. I thought we've been through this. Just keep insulting him."

"But-"

"Don't tell me you're running out of insults. We can totally find more I'm sure."

"You're missing the point. He-"

"I know, I know. He's not worth the effort. But you  _can't_ let him win."

"Barty, focus! He-"

"Maybe we should make sure you aren't alone."

"That might be a good idea, I mean-"

"That way we can keep him from starting his weekly fight. But still, we'll come up with some new insults, just in-"

"BARTY! I AM NOT RUNNING OUT OF INSULTS! THE PRAT KISSED ME!"

"Oh. Well."

"Yeah," Regulus said, dropping onto the chair and watching his best friend try to figure out what to do.

"I, uh... I don't know quite how to react to that."

Regulus snorted.

"Was it good?"

"What?  _That's_  what you decided was relevant? Really?"

"Well, I mean... it was your first kiss right?"

Regulus glared.

"That's a yes. So you won't know if it was good."

"I hardly think  _that_  is the point, Barty."

"Maybe if you had a comparison."

"What? I'm not just going to kiss some random person to satisfy your curiosity, Barty!"

"But what about your own?"

"Damn it, Barty! That's not the point!"

"I mean, maybe if it's a friend you'll feel less awkward?"

"You're the  _only_ person I will  _ever_  tell about how our argument ended so I doubt that will happen."

"Well... I usually go for girls, but if you-"

"Do. Not. Finish. That. Sentence." Regulus almost growled before walking away.

* * *

"Lily, please-"

"James, I'm not judging."

"There is nothing  _to_  judge."

"Well of course not, I don't have a problem if you are."

"But I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

"LILY!"

"What?"

"You can't just  _ask_  that!"

"James, I've known you for  _four_  years! And in that time I've never seen you with a girl."

"So you've seen me with a guy?"

"Well, yeah, I mean that  _is_ why we're talking."

"You know what I mean Lily."

"James, have you kissed anyone else?"

"Well, yeah."

"Who?"

"Sirius, and Remus."

She cocked her eyebrow, "And you're telling me you aren't?"

"Remus was truth or dare. It  _doesn't_  count."

"And Sirius?"

"That's  _not_  the point!"

"It kind of is."

"No, it's just... not... at all."

"James."

"Lily."

"Really, it's not a big deal!"

"Right, because I'm not... I just... I couldn't get him to shut up any other way. I need better insults."

"So your first thought was to kiss him?"

"I... Yeah."

"James, you might want to really think that over. And think over why it worries you."

He put his head down. He knew that she had a point, finding out why it worried him was a good idea. But first, he'd have to think over why his instinct was to kiss Regulus. That was going to take a lot of thinking.

"Yeah, okay."

"I'll be here for you no matter what."

"Yeah, that's why you're the only one I'm talking to about this."

"I thought it was because I saw it and you don't want the Marauders to know you kissed Sirius' little brother."

James dropped his head on to the back of the couch, "Shit, I forgot that part."

"How could you forget that part?"

He rolled his head to look at her and cocked his eyebrow, "Survival instinct."

They both started laughing, "Okay, let's go get some snacks and then we'll camp in the common room until the prefects kick us out!"

* * *

The next week, James did  _not_  pick a fight with Regulus. In fact, he did everything in his power to avoid the younger Black. Sirius and Remus had noticed something strange with their friend, Peter assumed that he was just finally over the anger at the situation.

He wasn't.

Not by a long shot.

But he was still confused. The kiss, the arguments, the fact that maybe Regulus wasn't lying. Sirius didn't seem to hold a grudge against his brother. In fact, he looked at him with sad eyes most of the time. It was obvious to everyone that the brothers needed to talk, and soon.

Severus and Lily worked together to get them in the same room and guard it.

"Lily, why are we down here? I hate the dungeons."

"You need help with potions. Now move."

They continued walking until they came to an almost empty classroom. He saw Severus and went to leave.

"Lily, what is Snivellus doing here?"

"Nothing. Now we're going to go outside and you two are going to talk."

"Who?"

"Me."

Sirius turned to see his brother leaning against one of the desks. Sev and Lily headed out to guard the door as Sirius walked over to Regulus.

"Hi, little brother. Well, former little brother I guess," he choked out with a pained laugh.

"You'll always be my brother, no matter what they say."

Sirius grabbed him and held him close, "I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried."

"You know they were always easier on me."

"If they aren't, you'll tell me, right?"

"If I can."

"We'll figure something out so you always can. Dorea would be happy to have you."

Regulus faked disgust "and spend all my time with  _Gryffindors_?"

"Dorea was Slytherin."

Regulus snorted, they still hadn't let go of each other.

"I was worried she killed you. I couldn't check the tree like the other times."

"I know Reg. I tried to send an owl and Mother sent it right back."

"We need to find a way to talk."

"I'm sure Lily or Remus can come up with something. I don't want to lose you for good."

"You won't. I won't let her ruin us."

"Reg- they wanted me to take the mark."

"I know. Father already warned me that it would fall on me."

"Please don't."

"I don't think I can resist it."

"You can, we'll take you in. Dumbledore can help."

"It's not a worry yet, he won't even meet me until I'm sixteen."

"So we have two years."

"Mother told me the first chance she has to pull me from school she will."

"Fuck."

"Hey, we'll figure it out by then."

"Reg, I'm so glad you don't hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"I left you behind."

"You didn't have a choice. You were barely alive yourself."

"I should have come back."

"She would have killed you."

"But-"

"No, we'll talk here and find a way to talk at home. I'd rather have you alive than have you back home. You got out. You're lucky."

"I can get you out too."

Regulus snorted.

"Pops can figure it out. They'll love you."

"Okay, but I won't hold it against you if you can't."

"I'll figure it out Reg. You can't take the mark. I won't let you."


	3. Chapter 3

Their luck ran out shortly after Sirius and Regulus made up.

"Potter."

"Black."

"Do you have something to say or are you just here to gawk?"

"If you're just going to be a git, I'll leave."

"Generally, that's you."

"You think you're so smart-"

"And you're about as smart as a rock."

"What?"

"I take it back, I've met many rocks that would be insulted by that comparison."

"Why you little... toad!"

Regulus raised his eyebrow, "Interesting insult."

"I actually came here to say something."

"Out with it then."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You know what."

"No. As much as I would love to claim my intelligence I genuinely have no clue what, of the myriad of things you've messed up, you would actually apologize for."

"Well, I mean... it's obvious what I'd apologize for... it's the... I mean... come on, you have to know!" James stumbled out, cheeks pink.

"No, I really don't."

"For... two weeks ago."

It clicked for Regulus, "Fine, I forgive you for calling me a nitwit."

"That  _wasn't_  what I meant and you know it. I'm apologizing for ki-"

Regulus cut him off with a silencing spell, "You have all the social graces of a herd of insulted hippogriffs," Regulus muttered, walking away from James.

* * *

"Moony, Lily... I need your help."

"No."

"Lily, I didn't even get to tell you  _why_."

"Sirius Black, I will not help you prank anyone! I refuse to get in on these childish antics."

"It's not for a prank. I need to be able to talk to Regulus."

"And you need me to corner him again?"

"Wait, again? Pads, explain."

"Well, Lily and Sniv-" He was cut off by a look from Lily, "Snape... got Reg and me together to talk."

"And..."

"Well, we need a way that he can get a message to me no matter what."

"Okay, So something like a two-way parchment?"

Sirius waved his hand, "No. If Mother is in a mood he couldn't access that. It needs to be on him."

"We'll figure something out."

"Yeah, Mum and Pops already agreed they take him in no matter what. I just need to be able to know when he needs help."

Lily and Remus both rested a hand on Sirius. They knew that what hurt him the most was losing his brother. He only hung in as long as he did to keep Regulus from bearing the brunt of the toxic environment. But the dark mark was just too much, he couldn't support anyone who threatened Lily and people like her. Walburga had made it clear that day, and he still wasn't sure how he made it out alive.

"We'll figure it out Pads. Maybe jewellery?"

"I... I can't afford anything."

"Hey, we'll figure it out. Maybe he can buy something and we can charm it?"

"That would be the worst gift ever. Hey, little brother, I have a gift for you but you have to buy it!"

* * *

"LIIIIIIIIIILY!"

"James, I'm right here, you do not need to yell."

"I was silenced for a FULL HOUR! How could no one notice?"

"We did notice. But it was so peaceful..."

James let out what could be considered a whine, though he would probably never admit that.

"Why were you silenced again?"

"ImayhaveapologizedtoRegulusandembarassedusboth."

"Yeah, you're going to need to slow that down."

"Fine. I apologized to Regulus."

"And?"

"Embarrassed him."

She hit swatted the back of his head.

"OI!"

"James Potter! Leave the poor boy alone!"

"I was trying to make it  _better_."

"And in the past has that ever worked, even once?"

"Well, no... but-"

"And have you figured anything else out?"

He collapsed on the couch and put his head in his hands, "I don't think I want to talk about that. Not here. Sirius will be back soon."

"Well, we can go to the library... no way Sirius will be there."

"Fine."

The walk down to the library was tense and Lily wondered for a while if she should have let him sort through things a bit  _before_  pointing out what was obvious after that argument- robes only hide so much. They found a place in the very corner, tucked away from everyone else, with a good line of sight to make sure no one snuck up.

"I think I liked the kiss."

Lily almost laughed- it was too perfect with her earlier train of thought. But, she knew that he would definitely  _not_  understand and that he needed something different. She could tease him later.

"Okay."

"I have no clue what that means."

"Well, do you like him?"

"No! I mean, maybe... I don't know. It's all confusing. Mum was no help!"

"You told your Mum about this?"

"Well, no. I told her after Remus... I mean, I think she knows I snogged Sirius too... but I'm not sure."

"Okay?"

"She just said back then that she didn't care who I brought home as long as they made me happy and didn't hurt me."

"So why were you so worried?"

"Because I was convinced for the past four years that I'd end up married to you."

She snorted, "And why would you  _ever_  think that?"

He shrugged, "Well, I just thought since I got on best with you when I was ready to date..."

"James, no offence, but that's not the best way to think about the future."

"I know... it's just..."

"You were expecting you'd like girls when the time came?"

"Yeah. I mean yeah... a game of truth or dare and then practising with Pads."

"Wait.  _Practising_?"

"Fuck. You can never tell him that I told you that!"

"Oh, this... this is just classic! You practised with Sirius and used it on Regulus!"

"LILY! Keep your voice down! And I didn't  _snog_  Regulus. I barely kissed him at all."

"Enough to like it."

"Yeah, enough to like it."

Neither noticed a little second year hurrying away, book forgotten.


	4. Sirius' big mouth

"JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER!"

James' eyes flew wide. "That's not a good start to the day."

"James! YOU GET YOUR SCRAWNY WORTHLESS ARSE OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!"

James sighed at his dramatic friend, this could literally be about anything... Last time he was convinced someone stole his shampoo- in reality, he forgot a drunken shower.

"Pads... Calm down and tell me what this is about."

"DON'T ACT INNOCENT YOU... YOU... YOU... MANSLAG!"

"Man slag? Pads? What are you on about?"

"YOU KISSED MY BROTHER!"

The few heads that weren't already watching the commotion now snapped up.

"It wasn't what you-"

"So it's TRUE?"

"Sirius, please, let's-" He couldn't finish that sentence thanks to a rather strong punch.

"He's my  _brother_. You're the next closest thing I have to a brother! How can you just violate him like that?"

"Sirius, I-"

"NO! THAT'S MY BABY BROTHER! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

Neither had noticed Regulus walking up, "Thanks for spreading  _that_  around the school."

"I didn't-"

Regulus pointed at the great hall, everyone turned to watch them, then motioned behind Sirius, where the latecomers were gathered around the doors, looking at James on the floor with a broken nose.

"Oh."

"Yeah.  _Thank you ever so much._ "

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, "I, uh... fuck."

"Just... stop protecting me,  _please_."

"You're-"

" _Please_. Mother is definitely going to be hearing about all of this now."

"Fuck. Reg, I..." Sirius couldn't say sorry again, it wasn't enough.

"Just tell her the truth then."

Both Blacks turned and looked at James on the floor.

"And how will  _that_  help Potter?"

"Well, she already hates me..."

James figured that it was the least he could do- it wouldn't be his first howler from Walburga... not even close to the first. The woman gave up on sending them to Sirius about halfway through their first year and instead focused on James and occasionally Peter. Over the summers he suspected they were also sent to his Mum, but he couldn't be  _positive_  that the scorch marks were from Walburga.

Regulus just looked between Sirius and James before nodding and walking away.

"We're not done," Sirius muttered as he dragged James off the floor and to an empty classroom.

Remus barely managed to make it into the room before Sirius threw James back to the floor and slammed the door.

"So, what  _exactly_ are you going to say to make this better?"

Remus placed a hand on his arm, making Sirius jump, "Hey, I know you're mad-"

"I left to  _keep Reg **safe**_. And now, now he's in more danger!"

"Sirius- I-"

"Yeah, I know James, you didn't  _think_. But damn it! DO YOU EVER THINK?"

Remus tugged Sirius against him, "Hey, you know he'll be okay. We'll kidnap him if your Mother tries anything."

Sirius snorted against his shoulder.

"You know Ma meant it... He's always welcome at our house."

"James, you know that he  _can't_. Not unless he gets disowned. And I'm not sure he'd make it through that. I'm still surprised I did."

The three boys all looked down at the ground. Remus hadn't  _seen_  Sirius but James had described it in general terms- no details. But the look on his face as he relayed the bits he could had said enough. And they all knew, deep down, that Regulus would not have it as  _easy_  as Sirius had.

* * *

"Regulus?"

"Go away, Severus."

"No."

"Fine. Make your jokes  _then_  go away."

"I wouldn't. But, we need to get together and figure this out."

"Figure  _what_  out? Mother is going to lose it and you  _know_ someone will write home."

"True, but if we all band together, we can come up with something to make it easier."

"And who is this  _all_  that you're talking about?"

"Well, so far I have you, Barty and Bellatrix in mind."

"No. She can't know our plans! She's as bad as Mother!"

"Okay. Anyone else you trust?"

Regulus took a deep breath and winced, "I know a few people who would probably be good at helping."

"No. Regulus, you can't mean-"

"He dealt with Mother for  _years_."

"And almost died."

"But he got out."

"Yes, he got out on his  _deathbed._ "

Regulus winced again, "Better late than never?"

Severus shook his head and walked away.

* * *

They found an abandoned room and set Peter outside. Severus had Lily bring the Marauders to speak with Regulus and Barty.

Lily had been tasked with getting the Gryffindor boys to the room; since James was the cause of the issue, and Sirius knew Walburga exceptionally well... Remus was invited mainly to keep Sirius calm and gently veto the more  _bold_  suggestions James tended to go for.

Severus had dragged the Slytherin boys into the room before they noticed who else was in there with them.

"Okay, so with the display this morning," Lily sent a glare to Sirius, "We have a week tops to figure this all out."

Sirius continued "All we came up with was jewellery for you, something you can send simple messages through. Remus and Lily figured out the charms, but-"

"We're going to need a potion, it won't take more than a day to make. And something you'd wear that your Mother won't take away" Remus finished, looking towards Regulus and Severus.

Regulus had initially removed his family ring- the sign of all things he stopped believing in, ready to offer it up for the charms. At Remus' words, he stopped and stared, the weight of it suddenly too much. He dropped the ring and watched it bounce along the floor.

Severus rested a hand on his shoulder and nodded to the others.

"I will buy something appropriate brother."

Unfortunately for them, their plans would end up rushed by the little second year who wrote home to her mother. There was no longer time to shop and find the perfect object- he was stuck with a small bracelet from Lily that Regulus clasped around his ankle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is up for adoption. Feel free to use it as you want, but please remember it was originally a gift so let them know if you do complete it. perhaps it will make their day in a way I just can't anymore.


End file.
